


That's Not How You Do It

by Nnoitra



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, This is an older fic of mine but I feel like uploading it anyway, in my head it was comedy, its not actually that violent either its just that one scene, there is leg breaking in this so if thats a thing you cant deal with please dont read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26523673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nnoitra/pseuds/Nnoitra
Summary: He didn't think he'd come out as Spiderman before Bi, and now MJ is worried about who his soulmate might be if THOSE are his Soulmates first words to him.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Spider-Man/Deadpool
Comments: 5
Kudos: 293





	That's Not How You Do It

**Author's Note:**

> This is stupid and dumb, I hope you get some enjoyment out of it. Really you can view this as any Peter Parker you wan't, I don't care, I didn't have one in mind really.

"Listen MJ, it's fine. I get your concerns, but it's probably nothing." Peter sighs yet again for the third time since the beginning of this conversation. "You've heard stories of people who have really weird First Words, but they turn out to be completely fine- just a funny situation."

The girl sitting across from him in Starbucks just rolls her eyes and facepalms. "Well, I'm sorry for being concerned about you, considering your Words."

Peter shrugs and sips his drink, "It's probably nothing, like I said. Maybe someone is pissing me off and my Soulmate jokingly says my words, maybe they're behind me in a line or something."

"What, you standing in the line at like a bank or something? Taco Bell? Dressed as, you know..." MJ waves her hand for emphasis.

Peter scowls. MJ never would have known about him being Spiderman had his Soulwords not literally given him away. "You never know." He glances away.

People get their Soulmark, their Soulmates words, tattooed somewhere on their upper body, or, but surprisingly less commonly, legs. It comes on their 17th Birthday, no matter what- whether their Soulmate is that age or not. Peter had MJ sleep over for his birthday, and the day before it too so that when Peter woke MJ could help him search for it, they were both very excited about it. Except when it actually appeared of course, and MJ had gone a little sickly looking and glanced up at Peter.

_Flashback Time, Babey_

  
"Peter..." MJ says, she backs up and let's the back of her knees hit Peter's bed as she falls back onto it. "Are you Spiderman?"

Peter feels himself freeze momentarily, before turning around the face MJ with a nervous grin on his face. "What? Don't be stupid, I'm not cool enough to be Spiderman!"

"Read your soulmark." MJ gestures towards Peter, "It's on your right hip, little further towards your back than your front."

Peter can feel his heartbeat rise as he twists himself to look at his Soulmark. Peter feels dread as the words,

_**That's not how you break a mans legs, Spidey!** _

Curls over his hip in a messy scrawl, and the I in Spidey is dotted with a heart, too. Peter smiles and slumps down onto the floor, crossing his legs. "Yeah. I guess I am. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I was worried." There really was no point in denying it, it'd be revealed eventually to her anyway and then she'd be mad he lied to her.

MJ doesn't say anything, just slides down off Peter's bed to sit in front of him. She reaches out and grabs both his hands. Peter looks up at her. "I'm sorry." He mumbles.

"Peter, why are you going to be breaking a mans legs wrong?" She huffs.

"I would never!" Peter squeaks, "I cannot even imagine why I would hurt anyone like that, even a bad guy."

"Well, whatever reason- you apparently aren't going to do it right." MJ still looks worried, but she's joking around to ease the tension in the room.

It works, Peter smiles, "I suppose not breaking his legs is a good thing, then."

"I guess." MJ is silent for a moment. "Why does your Soulmate apparently know how to break legs?"

Peter shrugs, "I literally have no idea. Maybe they're someone I meet doing Spiderman duties. Well, obviously, but I mean they might be someone I meet because they do similar things?"

MJ studies his face for a moment, "You know, your heavy use of the Them pronoun shows me that you're either open to your Soulmate being male or genderqueer, or just Male and you don't want to out yourself as gay."

  
"Damn, MJ." Peter blushes, "There's only so many times a day I can come out, and I didn't think I'd come out as Spiderman before Bi."

  
MJ smiles at him and tightens her grip on Peter's hands.

_Present Day, Babey_

"Look, whatever happens, happens." Peter says, he gets up and waves good bye to MJ. He has to start patrolling in an hour, "I'll see you tomorrow, MJ." She watches him leave.

Peter hurries home, the sky was darker than it should be and it was obvious a thunderstorm was on its way if the rumbling in the distance and the heaviness in the air was anything to go by. Not a great night to patrol, but it needs to be done. The city wont save itself and the Avengers can't steal all the glory. He gets to his apartment and unlocks it. As soon as he's inside he goes to his bedroom to change into the Spiderman outfit. Normally he would have it on him under his normal clothes, but Tony had said that he'd cover for the day so Peter could have a full day to himself, after doing Spider Duties for a week and a half without pause and barely any sleep. 

With the Spiderman outfit on, Peter sneaks out of his own window and crawls up onto the roof. As soon as he does it starts to absolutely pour down with rain. Great. He'll have to avoid those big glass buildings, stick only to the more non-glass ones. Not even a superhuman Spider can stick to that in the rain. He should know, he tried. 

He hops across the roofs of buildings, keeping an ear out for any kind of trouble when something hits him in the side, knocking him off balance and over the edge of a building. He's quick to action and shoots a web up onto a water tank on top of a nearby building and pulls himself up, keeping an eye out for what hit him. He spots it, a girl with a large hoodie on, and Peter can just make out the outlines of very obviously stolen goods she's got hidden underneath it. Her hair is tied up inside the hoodie and she glares at Spiderman from the rooftop across from him. Clearly she thinks Spiderman's out to get her for thieving and decided to take matters into her own hands. Not that she seems to have a weapon other than the measly pocket knife in her hand. She must have pushed him off the roof, maybe in the panic of being caught so suddenly. Peter only knows she's a girl because she's yelling at him to not come near her and how it's not ok to pick fights with girls. What, like girls can't do crime suddenly?

He sighs a jumps across to the building she's on, and she backs up quickly against a wall, looking nervous as fuck. "Come on, let's return all those stolen goods down at the police station."

"Urgh, fine." She mutters and let's Spiderman grab her and web them away. The police station wasn't that far and he didn't know if the web would hold up in this weather, he was sure it would as it had in the past, but it might not, _also as it had in the past_. He doesn't comment on the fact she gave in so easily.

  
They get barely a half mile when he feels a small jab in his side, his grip on the girl and the web loosens slightly and the girl slips out of his arms with a shriek. She grabs onto his foot though, thank God. He let's them hang there, about 10 meters off the ground as he tries to figure out why he's starting to feel really nauseous. The girl is still dangling off him. He vaguely hears someone walking up to him from down below on the ground. He can see a flash of red and black out of the corner of his vision, but everything's starting to blur. He hears a scream and feels a weight slip off of him as he realizes too late that the girl has let go of him and fallen. He curses to himself and let's go of the web, hoping she's not too badly injured- not like it was that big of a fall. For Spiderman, anyway.

He nearly looses his balance but notices the black and red man in front of him, the others hands on his hips as he takes in the sight in front of him. The healing ability kicks in and he gets his vision back, but the sickness he feels in his stomach is still going strong. He frowns at the man in front of him then down at the girl on then ground at his feet. She has a broken a leg and the stolen goods scattered around her with her hood covering her face. 

The red and black man laughs and looks down at the girl, "That's not how you break a mans legs, Spidey!" He stabs a sword through the girl, much to the absolute shock of Peter.

"She's a girl also what the fuck is wrong with you why'd you kill her Oh My God some Soulmate you are Jesus Christ, MJ was right about you, I should have been way more worried, all she was is a thief and you go and do that and oh shit stand back I'm gonna hurl literal chunks I think I got hit with something and that's why I dropped her." And so Spiderman pulls his mask up enough to throw up, and it goes all over the body of the girl. The red and black man is silent.

He finishes throwing up and instantly feels much better, the healing ability he has is definitely helping him now too. His head clears and he looks around at the scene in front of him, the little details now noticed. The girl that the man had killed had a needle in her hand, smaller than any he'd seen. He kicks a box the girl had in her shirt only to find it empty. No stolen goods then, a diversion. "Huh. She was trying to kill me." Spiderman mumbles.

  
"Yeah, uh. I was told that someone was going to be here with a hit out on you and well, that was personal because I am a Spiderfan so..." The man laughs nervously and scratches the back of his head.

Now that Peter's head had cleared he looks up to actually look at his Soulmate. "Oh man, you're Deadpool aren't you? I heard of you once."

"The one and only." Deadpool says, waving suggestively at himself, "And, well... You're my Soulmate Spidey."

"Yeah, uh... Wow." He literally had no idea what to say about the situation. He thinks about his first words to Deadpool. "Oh my God, I'm sorry about my words." 

  
Deadpool waves him off and saunters forward, "Never mind that. Lets get lunch, instead. Names Wade." He reaches out to shake Peter's hand.

  
"I'm Peter." He felt like he probably should have hesitated a bit telling Wade his identity like that, but this was his Soulmate after all. He shakes Wade's hand. "And I'd be delighted to have lunch with you."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, considering you made it this far. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter though, I'm far more interesting there @ / Schwingalicious


End file.
